A highly stressed mother’s life starts to feel like a downward spiral into hell in writer-director Mary Bronstein’s bruisingly funny If I Had Legs I Would Kick You. Uncomfortable to watch at times, but also exhilarating and frequently hilarious, this adrenaline-pumped dark comedy is built around a revelatory performance by Rose Byrne, breaking out of her anodyne rom-com lane with all guns blazing. On screen for almost every frame, the Australian star’s emotionally raw immersion in the shame, blame and nerve-shredding stress that comes from struggling with solo parenting feels guaranteed to win awards, especially in the wake of the plaudits heaped on Demi Moore’s similarly gutsy comeback in The Substance (2024), and on Amy Adams for the thematically similar maternity-horror comedy Nightbitch (2024)
Back behind the camera a mere 17 years after her debut, the lo-fi “mumblecore” drama Yeast (2008) in which she co-starred alongside Greta Gerwig, Bronstein is working with a broader canvas and more juicy material this time. Byrne is flanked by a flavoursome supporting cast including rapper A$AP Rocky, comedian and chat show host Conan O’Brien, plus a small but perfectly timed cameo by Christian Slater. Producer credits include the director’s husband Ronald Bronstein and his frequent collaborator Josh Safdie, of the Safdie film-making brothers, lending some muscular indie pedigree to the mix. Making its international premiere in competition in Berlin this week, fresh from a divisive but generally well-received Sundance debut, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is scheduled for theatrical release later this year by A24.
Set in contemporary Montauk on Long Island, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is a relentless emotional assault course that zigzags between Kaufman-esque bleak farce, fraught family psychodrama and magical realism, lightly spiced with hints of nightmarish body horror that never quite materialise. The comic tone here is relentlessly sour, the pacing breathless and the aesthetic choices often wilfully ugly, but all are held together by Byrne’s powerhouse performance, a high-wire act that boldly challenges audience sympathy at times.
Screaming on the inside, zombie-tired on the outside, Linda (Byrne) is a mother on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Home alone while her seafaring husband (Slater) disappears for months on end, Linda’s primary source of anxiety is her daughter (Delaney Quinn), who suffers from an unexplained but serious eating disorder which requires her to be fed with a tube every night. The unnamed child is never seen on screen, until a fleeting final scene, but she is a near-constant audio presence, needling her mother with bratty demands and emotional blackmail. Her case is being supervised by a stern doctor (Bronstein herself) who constantly shames Linda for missing medical targets and treatment discussions, literally adding insult to injury.
Another pressure on Linda’s already frayed nerves is the giant hole that just appeared in the family apartment ceiling, flooding the floor below, a rupture that her overheated brain comes to see as a mysterious portal into another dimension. Mother and daughter are forced to relocate to a scuzzy motel for an indefinite period while their evasive, unreliable landlord allegedly handles repairs. The hotel’s amusingly surly check-in attendant Diana (Ivy Wolk) takes an instant dislike to Linda, while her suave co-worker James (a strong acting turn by A$AP Rocky, aka Mr Rihanna) adopts a more flirtatious approach. Between self-medicating sessions with booze and drugs, Linda’s work as a psychotherapist brings her into harrowing contact with an acutely depressed young mother (Danielle Macdonald) and into conflict with her own therapist (O’Brien on superbly deadpan, melancholy form).
If I Had Legs I Would Kick You is partly inspired by real events seven years ago, when Bronstein’s daughter was receiving long-term hospital treatment, obliging the pair to share an extended stay in a claustrophobic San Diego hotel. She channelled her disorientation and mounting anxiety into the bare bones of a screenplay, partly for therapeutic reasons. Finally bearing fruit, the end result is a noisy hot mess of a film full of jarring tonal shifts, unresolved subplots and sour observations on parenthood that may prove too bleak for mainstream audiences. But it is also a smart, witty, boldly original, high-energy screwball tragicomedy full of terrific performances, including a potentially game-changing career peak for Byrne.
Director, screenwriter: Mary Bronstein
Cast: Rose Byrne, Conan O’Brien, Danielle Macdonald, Delaney Quinn, A$AP Rocky, Ivy Wolk, Christian Slater, Daniel Zolghadri, Eva Kornet, Mary Bronstein
Cinematography: Christopher Messina
Editing: Lucian Johnson
Production design: Carmen Navis
Producers: Sara Murphy, Ryan Zacarias, Ronald Bronstein, Josh Safdie, Eli Bush, Conor Hannon, Richie Doyle
Production companies: Fat City (US), A24 (US), Bronxburgh (US)
World sales: A24
Venue: Berlin Film Festival (Competition)
113 minutes
